Thought I'd share this with our followers.
They said this speech was too controversial for a Commencement...so I decided to put it on YouTube instead.
Here is the feedback I received:
When you begin your speech with "Fear!", it can create a sense of uneasiness for listeners. While it is appropriate to address fear in the speech (it's the reality of how people often feel when confronting something new), you could still begin your speech with the importance of confronting fear, but perhaps choose a less stark way to begin or a less dramatic way to phrase it.
The speech is for a solemn and important occasion but it is a happy occasion. It should be uplifting overall.